EiG Expo - Italian Phrasebook and Glossary

**Caution: This article may contain utter bullshit. Of course, it might not, you'll just have to find out.**

With the 2011 EiG (AKA Totally iGaming or Totally EiGaming or EiG Expo or something) coming to Milan, EGC is offering a vital glossary to help newbies and vets alike make the most of their time in Italy’s fashion capital. If you run into any trouble just scream and we will come running cos we speaks the native language, innit... as you are about to find out.


Meeting and Greeting

Buongiorno - Good Morning, or more literally "Good Day".

Si - Yes

Forse - Yes

Non Credo - Yes

No - This word does not exist.

Ti presento un mio caro amico - Literally this means "Let me introduce you to my good friend". In reality it means "Let me introduce you to someone I met 10 minutes ago".

Persona di fiducia - Someone you can, on absolutely no account, trust.

Per Favore - This means “please” and has not been invented in Italy yet.

Prego - It means "You are welcome" - which I believe is an American phrase but anyway you must always say this after someone says "Grazie"
.
Grazie - What is your secret motive for helping me?

Come sta? - How are you?

Molto bene, e lei? - Very well and you? In practise you may say this but you will never hear it. No Italian is free of ailments and no Italian will lose an opportunity to tell you about them in unnecessary detail.

Arrivederci - We will never meet again, I thought your presentation lacked depth and I have no belief in you or your company.

Ho perso la mia tartaruga nell’erba lunga – Hi, fancy meeting up later for drink by the pool?

Cosa fate? – What are you (plural) doing?

Camicia di forza – Straightjacket
.

Taking Care of (Gambling) Business

Entrata – Entrance.

Uscita – Common football chant (pronounced you-shit-aaaaagh)
.
Gioco d’Azzardo – A Game of Chance, such as a pedestrian crossing.


Gorgonzola - A search engine
.
Scommettere – This is the verb to BET, as in “I bet the government is taxing me for saying the word bet”.

Calcio – Calcio is the national sport of Italy. Two teams of 11 men run around a pitch chasing a man dressed in black (arbitro) and complaining about how hard their lives are, whilst waving their chequebooks in his face. This is little more than an elaborate courtship ritual and the 11 men who woo the arbitro will be awarded 3 points before doing it all again a week later. Towards the end of the
mating
season, the two teams may agree not to bother wooing the arbitro and, no matter what AC Jimbo says, it is a heinous practice.

Seating and Eating

Un tavolo per due - Table for two please, my friend will be joining me soon. I really hope I am not alone tonight. I will be alone tonight.

Aperitivo – A lightly alcoholic drink or aperitif, intended to pique the curiosity of the appetite, perhaps accompanied by a little amuse bouche. This is often translated into English as “10 Pints of Lager”.
Buon appetito - This simple phrase, uttered before major meals and often answered with "altre tanto", literally means “good” or “healthy appetite” but I suppose it could be translated as "enjoy your meal" (if you are American). As strange as this concept appears to the English, it is actually possible to "enjoy" a meal. 

Pizza - An oven-baked, flat bread, more often than not round in shape, which doesn't have f**kin' pineapple or f**kin' kebab meat or any other sh*t like that, you uneducated morons!!! Or sweetcorn even, I mean why, WHY????

Calzone - A thick winter sock, usually worn by mountain farmers in Northern Italy. It is often used to wrap Fontina cheese before ageing.

Pasta - Pasta is a kind of dough which is shaped into an almost limitless variety of styles and is boiled in lightly salted water until it is "al dente" and then served mixed with a sauce. See that... MIXED with sauce, yeah - not with a rather sad spoonful of red stuff thrown on top of it but actually mixed.
Al Dente - Not overcooked and stuck together in a sticky wet lump. And no, it doesn't mean raw either. 

Birra – An absurdly blonde and tasteless thing (not to be confused with La Cicciolina) it is sometimes translated as “Beer” but don’t be fooled.

Vino - I think we are all comfortable with this concept.
Limoncello - Seriously, I don't know why this shit exists.

Out and About

Bar – A place where you can bet

Tabaccheria – A place where you can bet
Internet Point – A place where you can bet

Ricevitoria – A place where you can bet

Ippodromo – A restaurant 


Miscellaneous

Coglione - Yours truly.

Top 5 Wishes for Premiership 2011/12

This month's guest blogger is full time Piers Morgan annoyer, Matt Avison. For more of his pearls of wisdom check out @mattavison

Well here we are again so soon. As we have been reminded since the last close up of that sobbing, 8 year old Birmingham fan, the new Premiership season is almost upon us. It will be bigger, better and more interactive than ever. So interactive, you will almost feel that Gary Neville is in your living room. Nobody can say that Sky don’t give fans what they want….

Anyway here are eGaming Consulting's five wishes for the football season - many made more in hope than expectation:

1. Fernando Torres reclaims his body.
Was it all a dream? Was there ever this Spanish prince who made Vidic look like a schoolboy in need of his mummy? His meteoric first two seasons at Anfield were sandwiched around a winning contribution in Euro 2008. Fernando even exhibited his class with that rarest of Premiership commodities - a smile.

The World Cup then showed a man in physical disarray with his trademark movement and change of pace absent. A blip we thought, but the malaise has been lasting and disturbing. The physical ailment has clearly spread upstairs and the Prince now looks embarrassed to be playing in top company. Johnny Giles once said of Cantona’s final year that he had "lost his skill". We are familiar with people losing pace, stamina or motivation, but losing "skill"??! Maybe the case of Fernando Torres is really that simple.

For those believers and I am still one, he is a best priced 10/1 with Boyle Sports to be Top Premiership Goalscorer. You may want to hedge with the 6/1 Victor Chandler is offering on Andre Villas-Boas losing his job before the end of the campaign. Torres IS Chelsea's season. If he is a hit, then anything is possible. If not, Chelsea will look very old and very lost, very fast.

2. QPR to stay up.

For 70's children, QPR were mainstays of top flight football. They had an iconic kit and eleven players who looked like they had been dragged from the pub and in need of a wash and a good haircut. Leader of that gang was Tony Currie and his style was followed by a variety of talented waifs and strays such as Simon Stainrod and Glenn Roeder. A few decades on and they are back but very much the same.

They are led by mad owners and hit and miss players such as Adel Taarabt, whose erratic brilliance and paranoia were made for Loftus Road. We are glad they are here but I fear they will leave this party before midnight. Unibet's top price of 7/4 on QPR heading straight back down looks remarkable. However I hope I'm wrong. They will make themselves heard no matter what.

3. Martin O'Neill returns.
Modern football media obsesses on the football manager's every word. Match reviews are now often a series of quotes from managers saying a lot without saying anything at all. Neil Warnock makes a welcome return and he will give a sincerity of opinion back to the Premiership. This opinion will not be shared by anyone, including his own family, but at least Warnock's views will be truly held and expressed with passion.

With many awaiting the return of the now cliched Mourinho, there is another manager whose charisma and talent the Premiership can ill afford to miss. Step forward Martin O'Neill, a manager who has performed the miracles of getting Steve Guppy (Leicester) and Alan Thompson (Celtic) capped for England. A man so open and honest that he admitted attending two Take That concerts this Summer, the second of which he declared that he went on his own...

Steve Kean is 9/4 with Paddy Power to be first manager out the door and he is likely to see O'Neill getting out of a taxi as he exits.

4. Michael Robinson joins Sky Sports as lead football presenter.

The true odds on this happening are really 1000/1 and many of this blog's readership will never of heard of Senor Robinson.

His Spanish adventure began in 1987 when he joined Osasuna following a playing career in England that bagged him a league championship and European Cup with Liverpool. However the striking pair of Ian Rush and Kenny Dalglish meant he was usually on the substitutes' bench. Although English-born, he was capped 24 times by the Republic of Ireland.

Having started covering England's group for Televisión Española at the 1990 World Cup, Robinson's charm, sense of humour and - it must be said - slightly comic English accent has since led him to co-commentate on all of Canal Plus's live football, present their coverage of the 1994 Olympic Games in Atlanta and, more importantly, anchor their Monday night round-up show, El Día Después (The Day After). A combination of Match of the Day, Football Focus and Fantasy Football League, El Día Después is perfect for Robinson's wit and intellect.

With the contrived departure of everyone's favourite TV neanderthal double act since Barney Rubble and Bam Bam, there is gap for a true creative broadcaster to lead Sky's Premiership coverage. Don`t hold your breath.....when last asked about rumours of the BBC begging him to come back to the UK in 2002, Robinson was quoted:

"I will tell you what's wrong with English football coverage?

It's been hijacked by ex-footballers. There is a screaming necessity for a journalist to challenge them. They speak in a certain argot, a slang whereby they all sit down comfy, comfy - Lineker, Hansen and the rest.Hansen thinks every goal is a defensive error because when you don't understand football, you can stop a tape anywhere, anywhere, and find a rick. There's no appreciation. And Lineker and Mark Lawrensen just agree. It's all happy families. The BBC is the mother and father of television and it's become totally prostituted. Put me on English telly? First of all, they couldn't pay me. Second, it would be a revolution. Third, who gives a monkey's?"

I dream that this great broadcaster would be tempted back and rip apart the formulaic, chummy face of Sky's football coverage.
5. Jack Wilshere becomes Captain of England.

This wish is simple. Like most England fans, I am jaded by history and scared to now even dream. At times like this, we need a hero to make us believe. We had Gascoigne in Italia 1990, Rooney in Euro 2004 and I really believe that Jack Wilshere will in a different way breathe life back in the Three Lions.

He has a less showy talent than Gazza and Wazza but in terms of refined touch and awareness, this is a man we can believe in. He has shown the traditional english virtues of loutishness off the pitch but it appeared last year that he had matured in leaps and bounds, aware of his opportunities.
His performance in a losing cause at Camp Nou last year marked him out to be something else - a leader. If Capello cares enough to pay attention, he should give him the armband now. Does anyone including Chelsea fans really get a lift out of seeing Terry lead England out?
I am convinced the next 12 months will elevate Wilshere further and I end this blog by making a statement, rather than a wish. Get an account with Skybet, deposit money and place as much as your heart desires on Arsenal to win this year's Premiership at 9/1. It's Jack's year folks.